my new shades XD

my heart goes up,
my heart goes down.
I catch myself looking at him, noticing how mauch he's looking at her.
I try to get his attention, only to realise that his mind is with her.
tis not the first time, nor the second.
this is the third time I'm falling for Mr.Bear.
I hate this... this feeling i get whenever i feel sad.
why do i have to be so weak.
it took me plenty of time to find strength to move on and be filial

why does that hurt so much
i"m always the one person that never fits in.
the one person that is never really accepted
that one person who is always different
the one person who never is known
the one person without love
the one person with all the hurt
the one person who never gets what she wants
the one person who always cries in silence
the one person with a fake smile plastered on her face
the one person seeking love but never getting any
the one person without a father
the one person with all her hurt uncared for
the one person who always had her dearest things snatched away
the one person
who will never find love or comfort
or at least not now or in the near future
I'm so very tired of pretending
tired of being strong
i just want to feel his strong arms embrace me
and cry my heart out

etheral

Today was great (:
I uploaded the pics on fb (:

deviated ;

black and white ; polar opposites
it's been tedious. but oh well. at least i can cope...
i gotta say i find it within my reach if i try hard enough.
maybe i can be happy after all..
i realised i've change in most aspects...
i know it's for the better... but somehow.. part of me yearns for the paternal love ... and also family bliss most violently... i find it hard to satisfy for i'm in such a situation...
will things ever work out? i know they'll never go back to the normal way ...
but when my mom blurted out that the reason she hadnt divorced my dad is because i used to say as a child that i want to live happily in a loving family... it must be hard for her... and she says he has a woman and might even have had children with her... i know why he never call me for my birthday anymore... why he hadnt written to me and why he stopped calling. . . i miss him terribly...
but i dont cry anymore... i've accepted and braced myself for the new beginning of my life...
all will go well.. All will go well .. hopefully

working later, i'ma so tired. havent do chinese, chem not done , bio havent started.
bah, i'll have to squeeze them to tmr.
sigh... i feel lifeless, my will, sigh, have to be strong to keep going.
i'm gonna earn lotsa money and i'm gonna be plenty smart, (:
that's what i say anyway.