every breath i take. every step i make.
I'll always do it alone. No one will be here.
no one. sigh... it's been forever that i've stopped looking and waiting for it.
haha.. ironic eh? i hate you. yes . i hate you
i dont miss you at all dad. i dont. i hate you. i really do.
for making things this way. i know it's not your fault but i want to blame you
because blaming makes things much easier.. but i dont know what else to do...

say, what should i be doing instead

it is dark.
i cant find a way out.
anger seeps in and swallowed me whole.
i felt empty. and sad.
everyday it's just like that.
i keep pretending that i'm happy and content.
but in truth, i feel hollow and unhappy inside.
I want to be happy but i'm sinking deeper into this depression yet again.
I tried . Put in effort but nothing. Nothing can get me out of this mess.
No one. No one will come to my side and hold me real tight and tell me that everything is just gonna be alright.

i got a job. Bah
i spent my b'day not really alone but doing nth
i 'm like a zombie, hopefully the job will make me a robot
dec 15 i'm starting, JY!

I'm 16. Bah!

no presents, it sucks
with the exception of 50 bucks from my gran.
mom broke her promise of 150 bucks.
stupid her. dang

futile attempts ;

It's useless. . .
with this family, it's useless.
I don't live with a family,
I live in a hell hole.
I hate this.
They say I'm a jinx.
I'm the cause of their misery.
that explains alot about their behavior.
what a fool i was.
but still, i'll owe them nothing.
i will start to be mature because I have to be
right now, from now....


I shall paste a fake smile on my lips everyday,
cry silently in my pillow every night.
this is what my life is going to be...
saints, help me through this. . .

sinister ;

Sigh, what the hell was I thinking?
I even told HT
Bleh, to think i was ready to try it out
what a thing to happen
but part of me wanted it to stop deceiving myself
but part of me wanted to trust
It's not like I can help it.
He was the same as them. He was. . .

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care.

untold truths ; step into the dark

I don't know what to say
I felt numb and then i felt sad , then i felt my heart burning
everyday , it's like this
I wander if it will ever change.
My thoughts are filled with that hateful guy.
gosh, it has been a year and still, i'm like this.



Kill the feelings, extinguish the fire

cure my pain , kill the saint

1 month and a day more and i'll be 16
pretty sad how things go by
I miss dad. I wander if he's sleeping well, eating well
I hope he's staying in a good place and found someone
i miss him so much. I want to call him and ask if he's alright
i want to write to him but i can't
fucking life. I'll give him a better life. I swear i will
stay healthy please dad. i wander if your legs are better now
i wish i could help



20 more days, i wander if i should wish a happy birthday




Maybe it's for the best, maybe it should remain this way