Will I pull through?

regrets....
Sometimes I regret I started it and sometimes I regret that I ended it.
maybe... I'm just not meant to be happy....
Maybe it's meant for me to live with this pain...
I hate , I hate being alone.....
I'm scared to sleep alone....
I'm afraid what will happen when my mom leaves me....
She's been sick... I'm worried sick...
Will she recover? Will she pull through? What should I do when I lose her?
So many questions.. And they just make me feel more and more helpless...
Sometimes I feel like I have no one... then I realise that I have my mom...
And my friends .... but the problem is... I'm confused.
I want them to know that I'm hurting, breaking apart..
but also, I want to be strong, like mom.. At least I used to be strong...
But sometimes I feel like I have no father.... Mostly I miss him..
But it hurts to know , that all this life, we are nothing to him...
Why? Why did I not have any true friends when I still got to see my family in a piece?
Why did my mom treat my dad that way?
Why was grandma so difficult and scary?
WHY did I not have a pleasant childhood?
Why ? why? why?
Why does it have to be this way?
Why is my dad so irresponsible?
Why is my brother so thoughtless?
Why do I always have difficulties in my life?
Why does my heart ache so much? As if it's tearing apart...
As if it's wounds are getting worse... Inflict injury on the wound...
one problem add to another.. why ?
Why can't I get comfort? why this feeling?
Devastated... Frustrated... I can't concentrate .. no longer